Creating codependent partners; building patterns.

Prior to arriving in Paris in February of 2018, I befriended a young gentleman whom we shall call Tomb - it's close enough to his name.
With the desire to not waste anyone's time - I stated my pure intentions. My stay in Paris was two days, and I wanted to make the best of it. Hang out with a handsome Frenchman who'll show me around. Specifically one man...
.. Okay, maybe that was vague.
Back to the story: we chatted a bit, then I asked him to add me on Google hangouts. He did, and this is where the blog post begins.
The first time after adding me on Google chats - He messaged me every morgen mornintv at 7 am.
"Hey" turned into an hour long chat until I would go to sleep. I thought he was mature and seemed fun to talk to, despite him being 3 years my junior.
The following day, the chat at the same time occurred again.... until it became a pattern.
Our one hour conversations became 3. 3 hours became 5 up until we spoke for 13 hours every single day.
Getting caught up in this pattern was the last thing I wanted with Tomb. Not because he was boring or awful, but the emptiness that came with it. I wanted to state my boundaries. Assert times I needed space to myself. As I would type, I would delete the sentence.. I couldn't do it. The pattern building sucked me in. I lost sleep, I waited for him to text me. As expected - he would.
Friends and family grew worried, about my lack of sleep. As a result of my drug like interactions with him, my mother specifically did not like him. Heck, everyone around me did not him. First, I kept him a secret. The secret was revealed when my friend hoovered over my shoulder to see me texting him. Not only were they worried about my sleeping patterns, or lack of them - I couldn't get away from my phone. My eyes were glued to my cellphone like my life depended on it. During dining occasions with friends and/or family consisted of me staring at my phone typing a response to Tomb. By this time, it was becoming obvious why I was so distant. It included a person in France.
Once you or someone else builds a pattern/routine - it's hard to get out of. Even if they are independent and don't text you all the time - we are creatures of habit. Build a habit for someone slowly - they'll adapt. Getting out of it is the harder part, for anyone.
If you want to establish a pattern, be like Tomb. This is not to say he did this intentionally - of course not. However, creating patterns like this can cause one to be addicted, waiting for the next "hey" the next "good morning". Once it's started - you may or may not fall into it. For some people, this makes them content. For others, they may not like it as it they like their space/could threaten their sense of individuality.
But what happens when something interrupts that pattern? The last few months, I've drastically changed my views on codependent relationships. In fact, I'm in favor of them... I mean, that's what this blog is about - right?
Here's the catch though: it has to work for both parties. Both parties must be also be aware that sometimes things may get in the way of their.. dependency.
How easy your target is receptive to your pattern creation, is a different story. If they're rigid with their own routines, such as they must be in bed by a certain time, they'll only talk to you at specific times - it'll be harder to create a pattern, but possible.
Your efforts are effortless:
For people who have all the free time in the world,
are in sad/lonely/miserable places currently in their lives,
Have empty lives - looking for that spark, that magic. In my opinion, I do believe we all want that magic. If you don't already have it in your life - you're probably waiting for it to happen. That magical moment is completely up to you to define: a handsome paycheque, romance, a tropical vacation - that's up to you.
As for Tomb.. the start of everything ended immediately. That's a follow up story for later, with a lesson embedded in it. Probably one I'll write after I finish with this one.
To conclude, take your time with building up a pattern to create codependence... Just remember one thing.. Remember the word codependence has the word "co" in it for a reason.....

Comments

  1. Wow thats crazy. I wanna try it on this girl I like but I'm too scared to start anything. How do I get her to approach me?

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    1. Btw, I was twitter stalking you and it said goodbye to the single days, who is the lucky guy? xP

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    2. Haha, I have a lot of respect for you!

      Just notice what catches her attention, and do it. See patterns in her lovers, replicate that.. with a twist.

      You're funny. Well I'm not sure how to answer that but my boyfriend is pretty awesome. We met in Europe, and now he lives here (big step - I know)

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    3. He moved from Europe to Canada? big step... he must really love you. How long you been together? O wait is it that mf you were gushing over? xP

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    4. What part of Europe btw? Srry I'm nosey ;p

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    5. Hi,
      Sorry for my delayed responses. I've been so busy with many things. Do you guys remember Harley from secretidentities? I've been helping with the wedding, and he just got married! It was a super high maintenance wedding, so it kept me busy, as well as another crazy wedding. Hopefully I have more time now.

      A lot of things have changed, and I'm working really hard to finish up the second book for you guys now. And just a bunch of other projects (yeah I know - I'm a workaholic), been trying to relax as a lot of stress has come up.

      I won't say where in Europe and also no.. but I can see why you'd think it. However, I think people also need to stop with that.... I haven't spoken to him for the longest time and don't see that changing. I mean, I see why you

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    6. I remember him. Can u post some pics, I bet you look good in a dress. How was it high maintenance? Why is everyone so obsessed with that guy? Bc it was her first love or something? kinda annoying tbh. I think she's just trying to move on and be happy with her new guy. You happy with him?

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    7. Yall remember when she got freaky on us and told us how she would ride him and she wanted to give him a bj in the bathroom??? The internet hasnt forgotten your first love either LMFAO

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    8. Lol yea that was AWESOME! That dude is lucky. Scarlett I want a girl like you.

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    9. Well you know I was just expressing myself at the time 😂😁 haha!

      Am I happy? Yes I am quite happy indeed. Like any couple, we have our issues but work through them. Unfortunately he has to go back to Europe on Wednesday. But, we'll work things out. I know we will.

      First love... Wow, that's a pretty strong word. But I agree. He was the first guy I took seriously. I learned a lot about myself, and relationships. My entire life was turned around when I met him, and I don't think I would've wanted anyone else to do that for me.

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    10. OK I'll post pics but only for a short period of time then I'll probably delete them.. .

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    11. Thx! So what you're saying is you never cared about the guy you were gona marry?

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    12. What did you learn Scarlett?

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    13. Lol have you seen me before? All I cared about was money and digging gold. In the end, we hated each other. I was changing and I did not share his umm.. values lol... I wanted something meaningful. Don't get me wrong, I love money and building up for my financial future, but the relationship was solely based on power. I could see he had a bit of a soft side near the ending but his main objective is power, wealth. (please don't comment and say money is evil or whatever the saying is - it is a piece of paper, and is simply an innocent bystander!). I last saw him at his brother's wedding, and that was the last time I spoke to him. I no longer carry a grudge towards him, but I don't know about him. He sat next to me during the vows, I turned to him and he was tearing up. Harley came and started crying when his wife walked in the room then I started crying hahaha, that's how I know he has a soft side. We both apologized to each other, but that was that. In the beginning I was convinced how much money someone spent and how much someone drove you around in their fancy car meant love. But I don't believe that anymore. I feel sorry for that side of myself who once believed that.

      Before I say anything, my partner and I broke up .... so I don't sound like a dick saying all this. I mean, I saw it coming to be quite honest. It's kinda sad because we did a lot , even changed my number to prove there weren't any other guys in the picture but oh well ??

      Lessons learned? Well I realized how sappy, gushy and romantic I can be. Also realized how being with one guy would be so satisfying. Honestly, I'd do anything for love ❤
      All my insecurities came to the surface, and god I was such a mess. I had to clean up my act, and here I am.
      I was so sad and depressed after things ended, I was even acting in ways I haven't ever before. Msging a bunch of times, I even almost told him a bunch of crazy shit like how I couldn't live without him etc etc, but thank god for self control. It was crazy. Like whoaaaa, where is all this coming from?! hahaha

      Even though it was sad, I learned a thing or two about unconditional love. All I have to offer is my unconditional love now. We had this bond and that bond will never get lost. I felt all the pain but I felt the highs too. I hope all of you get to feel this lovely feeling with someone who is amazing and special to you!! :)

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    14. Dang. So grown up now. I wanna find me a sweetie this loyal and sexy af like you

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    15. I agree, you are very mature now! You are very kind, loving and genuine even when people don't like it. I did feel that way with a man, and he's my husband. Together since 15, married for four years! Happiest years of our lives!

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    16. No girl would talk about me like this. I'm gona go cry in a corner now. Thanks for ruining my nite

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  2. Wheres the breakup story ?? curious about how a strong bond like that ends quick. But yeah answer the question, who is it ?

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  3. Who's birthday is it

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    1. Could be anyone's birthday in this world

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    2. Yea I was wondering the same thing. Is it her birthday?

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  4. Still waiting for your replies. Btw can you post the pics and the pics of you stoned with a crazy filter? I saw the twitter thread. You seem funny to smoke a blunt with. I wanna have a pic of you with a crazy filter so I can trip out to the only pretty girl that talks to me? XD

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    1. Share your high stories with us!
      Lol yeah that was so freaky. Filters.. Ok lol, I can see why you could trip out on a filtered photo haha

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    2. DAMNNNNNNNN FUCK

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  5. You're out of everyone's league. I bet you that guy you liked misses you but he's super intimidated. I'm speaking for every guy on here

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    1. Wow Pheebs, you're gorgeous.

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    2. Hallo Frau Kennedy . . I whish to find beautiful girl like you who will love me and be mother of my kinder. I do not know to say in englisch

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  6. You are so beautiful it haunts me at night ...... You're wifey material for sure

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